We Asked ICanHasCheezburger Community Members What Crimes Their Cats Would Commit If They Had Opposable Thumbs

Hey cat lovers! You guys know as well as we do that our feline friends are infamous for their mischievous behavior and devilish antics, but what if they had opposable thumbs? We asked members of the ICanHasCheezburger community to share what crimes their cats would commit if they had the ability to manipulate objects with their paws. The responses were varied and entertaining, ranging from stealing food to breaking into the neighbor's house. Some community members suggested their cats would go on a rampage, knocking over everything in sight, while others imagined their cats plotting elaborate heists.

Many of the crimes mentioned were related to food, with cats potentially opening ALL the canned goods in their respective households. Some community members suggested their cats would use their new-found thumb power to break into closed cabinets or unlock doors to access forbidden food. But the silliest and likely most accurate answer was- what crimes would they NOT commit?

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  • 01
    Rectangle - Top fan Mary Farris Open ALL the cans! 17 Like Reply Hide 1w
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  • 02
    Font - Stephanie Menefee Wrong question. The REAL question is which crimes WOULDN'T they commit. Because they'd commit all of them. Like Reply Hide 1w 63
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    Font - Top fan Jeannie McMahan First of all, all the Toms would be like the Sharks and the Jets and they would be snapping their fingers on their way to the big Tom cat rumble. Like Reply Hide 1w Edited 15
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    Human body - Darren Baldwin All of the crimes. They would be unstoppable. Like Reply Hide 1w 21
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  • 05
    Font - Top fan Jennifer Boaro Cats would be stealing' and fightin' and absolutely doing some vandalism with their hands. Total hooligans. Like Reply Hide 1w 4
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  • 06
    Font - Top fan David Lobo Conquer the world. Oh..., they already did that! Like Reply Hide 1w
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    Font - Top fan Josh Halatyn I used to have a cat that had thumbs. Mostly she stole stuff, especially shiny things and spoons. Spoons were her favorite. OD 13 Like Reply Hide 1w
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  • 08
    Rectangle - the DevilsEnemy Follow Throwing their poop out of the litter box. Oh wait. They do that already. Like Reply Hide 1w 16
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  • 09
    Rectangle - Top fan Rachel Cosby Instead of slowly sliding things off the table, they would just yeet it. Like Reply Hide 1w 9
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    Font - Pamela Virnig My cats would open the bathroom door, so I could never bathe in peace again Like Reply Hide 1w 7
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  • 11
    Rectangle - Crazy Rick Follow Mostly Felineys and a few misdemean-purrs. Like Reply Hide 1w 511
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    Font - Mohs Geobaldi Purrrrjury. I know that doesn't involve hands but it's the first thing that came to mind. Like Reply Hide 1w 10
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  • 13
    Rectangle - Bobby Bonieki If cats had human hands it would just make them more skilled at knocking things off counters. Like Reply Hide 1w 2
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  • 14
    Rectangle - Lynda Seehusen What crimes *wouldn't* they commit would be a shorter list. Like Reply Hide 1w ↓
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  • 15
    Font - Susan Jones Using my credit card to order treats from Chewy. Like Reply Hide 1w
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    Font - Vicki Podorski Dickey Tommy would open his own cat food cans until he found exactly what he wants to eat on that day. I have to do that for him now. Ivan would open the back door so he could go snoop around the yard. Like Reply Hide 1w
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  • 17
    Font - Terry Hawkins She's a tortie. She'd throw her toys (property damage), open the fridge, help herself to treats & food (stealing), slap me whenever she wanted me to get her food & I took too long, she didn't like her food or I wasn't paying attention to her (assault & harassment)...the list is long & all of it trouble! Like Reply Hide 1w Edited
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